Hi, don't know if anyone still even looks for me.

I got very busy ...we got a house through Habitat for Humanity ...and so we moved. I got a book published (I knew several of you would like that part) and things have just been rather ... um ...stressful. GOOD stress, but stressful none the less.

Anyway ... I'm back. Hopefully ... I can stay back!

I've missed everyone!

sorry, didn't mean to go so long between postings. This last week I was out of town. The next couple of posts will be hard on me, and I was trying to work up to posting about them, didn't quite realize I'd let almost a month go by!!

I will get back to this beginning of next week.

It was a blind date. A girlfriend wanted me to go out on a double date because she wanted to date his roommate. So, she asked me if I'd go out with Artist, so that she could go out with Student.

I don't know why I agreed. Too scared to say no? Too intriqued to say anything but yes?

We were going to a Worship Ministry 4th of July picnic. Signer and I headed up the sign Choir, Artist and Student did not have anything to do with the worship ministries, although, Student would join the choir months down the road.

I rode with Signer to the farm where we were having the picnic and met Student and Artist. Artist was thin, dark hair, and georgeous deep dark eyes.(Tall, dark and handsome?) He looked at me and smiled ... and suddenly, I wasn't aware of anything around me ... we walked away from Signer and Student and just started to talk.

As we walked toward the drink table, he asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I told him that I'd wanted to be a doctor, but didn't want to take algebra, so I was going to be an interpreter for the deaf. He stopped walking and looked at me funny and said "God is calling me to work with special needs adults".

He got me some koolaid, and we continued to walk around the farm ... talking. I was only 19, as was he, but suddenly, I didn't feel like the immature teenager I'd thought I was just an hour before. I was an adult, talking with someone who had my complete and total interest, and I, apparently had his.

After an hour of walking around talking about our high school days ... drama classes, writing poetry and speech competitions .. we heard Signer and Student yelling for us. They weren't that far away, but they were laughing, they'd been calling us for quite a while and we hadn't heard them. Other's in the choir had noticed that NotMeg was not on planet earth as well.

Student and Signer wanted to go horseback riding. So we walked to the barn, the people in charge got us saddled horses. I hadn't ridden since 5th grade and was very nervous. Artist was just plain pale. He watched me as I climbed on the horse and looked like he wanted to rescue me.
When the horse sidestepped, it scared me, I looked down and said "GET ME DOWN!"

Artist waited as they helped me down, and then we walked out of the barn. He said "Thank you for not riding." That was the end of that. I never found out what was behind it.

We continued around the farm, walking, talking ...listening to how much we had in common. If there was ever love at first sight, I'd found it. I was hooked.

When they served dinner, Artist went to get us a couple of plates, my only uncomfortable time all night. For the whole afternoon, I'd forgotten I had an eating disorder ... I'd forgotten I hated myself. I'd forgotten I didn't like food, I'd forgotten anything but Artist. He brought the plates, Signer and Student along with them. The three of them talked while I stared and picked at my plate. Before too long, they were done, no one noticing I'd barely touched mine. Being the ever helpful person, I offered to throw the plates away, grabbing Marcy's and covering mine, before anyone could notice.
The offending substance was soon gone, and I was back in neverland.

When I came back from the trashcan, Signer and Student invited Artist and I to go miniature Golf instead of staying for fireworks.
We all thought it was a great idea. I rode into town with Artist. It was a 25 minute ride into town, 15 minutes into the ride, we became quiet. After a bit of quiet, Artist thought it was sooooo neat that we could sit quietly. I agreed.

When the guys were paying for our miniature golf, Signer talked me into pretending to be a bad golfer. She said that it would get the guys to 'show us how'. Not being a natural flirt, I agreed. About 4 holes into it, I tired of the falsity (is that a word) and went full force into competition with Artist. He and I laughed so hard with every good swing, every error and every possible thing we could find to laugh.

The fireworks started going off around town about the 17th hole, I can still smell the summer air, and look at the sparkles reflecting in his brown eyes when he looked at mine. I couldn't tell if my heart was pounding hard and fast, or if it had stopped beating all together. I knew it was taken ... and life would never be the same again.

We walked to the cars, Signer's and Artist's. Student was leaving with Aritist, and I with Signer. Artist asked me if he could kiss me. I, for some unexplicable reason, said "Can I say no?"
Artist smiled with a grin that had complete respect, kindness and awe in it. He shook my hand, and kissed the back of it.

Signer drove me home and said "it was supposed to be MY first date ... looks like it was yours!"

I had no idea that 4 months later, Artist and I would be married, and 4 months later, he would shatter my heart ... deciding that he didn't want anything to do with God, or marriage and that he was, after all, gay. He thought that since we were obviously soul mates, that he could make it work ... he thought that he could marry his best friend ... and the world would never know his secret. But he forgot one thing, he hadn't told me.

I was 17 and half way through my junior year in high school when we moved from Colorado to Oklahoma. The move was because my mom missed my sister so very much. My sister had moved to Oklahoma to go to college.

The fact that my sister was dropping out of the college, and I still had high school ...and things going on ...was not a factor. My mom wanted to be near my sister. It was frustrating.

So, I left my home, my friends, my activities, my volleyball team, my drama class, my sign language trainer, and my school ..and picked up and moved to Oklahoma. Who knew what awaited me there.

I managed to survive. I actually DID survive. I made good friends. I got involved in a singing group that was unbelieveably fun, and exciting. Singers, aged 15 to 24 ..and we traveled in the summer. Visiting churches and staying in people's homes. An experience I'd never forget and never thought I'd have the privilege of having.

My senior year in high school, I met a guy. I was introduced to him by my mom's best friend. Tall was dark eyed, dark haired and loved kids. In fact, he was the live in childcare worker for 3 boys. My mom's friend thought he'd be perfect for me. So, we started to date. He was my first real boyfriend. We started to date and Tall got serious very fast. I didn't know how to handle it.

At first, I was flattered by the attention. Then, after a couple of weeks, I got scared. He called every 30 minutes that I was out of school. He demanded that I tell him what I was doing and who I was going to be with. If I wasn't with my singing group, then he didn't want me to be with anyone but him. After 3 weeks of this. I broke up. He was far too intense. He was already talking marriage and children, and I hadn't even graduated from high school, and he was my first boyfriend.

He wasn't happy when I broke up and told me I had no right. He grabbed me by my wrist,and left bruises. I still remember never being so terrified of brown eyes before. I'd always loved dark brown eyes, and wished that my blue eyes were brown ..but these dark brown eyes scared me. There was a fire in them that scared me. He grabbed my arm and twisted it and said "FINE" as he walked out of the parking lot that night.

I went home and told my mom that I'd broken up with Tall. Mom was confused. How could I have done such a thing. Her friend would not have set me up with someone who wasn't good for me! I tried to tell her that he'd been trying to keep me from being with my friends and that he'd grabbed my wrists. She didn't want to believe me. Then the phone rang.

Mom picked it up. Mom and I sound just alike and the person on the other end said "You will marry me, you have no choice!" and hung up. Mom suddenly didn't like Tall. She grabbed me to hug me but I pushed her away. I didn't want hugs ... I didn't want to be touched by anyone at that moment. I just wanted to be alone.

A few minutes later the phone rang again. It would ring 30 times that night. On the way to school the next day ... I noticed his car behind mine.

A few days later, Saturday, he called and asked me how I was doing. I told him that I didn't want to talk to him. He said that he wanted to talk to me. He told me I looked so pretty in my red robe. I froze in terror.

I called mom at work ...and she called the police. It was the days before stalking was even labeled, much less taken seriously. I was lucky they even answered the call. They came out and found him. They escorted him out of town. Thankfully, we never heard from him again. He was never talked about again. Ever. Not between mom and I. Not with a friend. Not in therapy. I just never mentioned him again.

"You'll thank me in 20 years! I promise!"

My story is being skipped up a couple of years ... I'll skip back in the next post, but this story came up today. So, I figured I'd write about it now. While this remains THE single most humiliating moment in my life ... I will probably get more laughs and guffs and feigned sympathy than I will true sympathy here. I've yet to find anyone in the last 23 years to truly feel sorry for me. Maybe it's in the telling.

So, it's spring of my senior year in high school. I'd moved to Oklahoma from Colorado. Now, remember, I'd only lived in Colorado for a short time to begin with, I'd grown up in California. I considered myself a "California Girl" at heart. (in all seriousness, still do!)I attended an extremely small Christian school. Even smaller than the Christian school that I attended in Colorado. Even though the town that I moved to in Oklahoma was significantly larger than either the town that I lived in Colorado OR Oklahoma ... the school, was smaller.

I didn't like the school once I started. But, I started in October of my Senior year. I'd already switched schools for the 4th time in a year. Not going to switch again ... time to just grin and bear it and get high school overwith. I had high grades and I could just get it behind me. Who cared if the teachers cared. Who cared if the administration obviously couldn't read a Bible ... I could. I didn't need them to tell me what Christianity was. I just needed the credits to graduate.

I managed to get through the year. Lots of tears and struggles ...and I'd spend many days wondering how they could call themselves a Christian school. When I found out years later that they'd been investigated for tax fraud and a few other illegal activities ... it didn't surprise me in the least. I was well aware of the lack of integrity in the environment. I had friends outside of school, and a good youth group ..and the singing group that I was in. I had a good spiritual foundation going. School, Christian or otherwise, didn't matter.

So, it's time for graduation, and I had no intention of following through with the ceremony. I hated that school. There was no way on earth I was going to walk down the isle and pretend to celebrate that place. My mother, had other ideas. Here is where I start to loose my foundation of empathy.

My mother was convinced that even though I hated the school, that I'd earned the right to graduate. That I'd worked hard and earned that 3.86 GPA (in the days before weighted GPA's and based on a sole 4.0) and that I had to walk down that platform and get my diploma! I'd regret it forever if I didn't! It wasn't about the school, it was about ME!

Yea huh? No ... Out of the 12 seniors in my class ... 2 of us were graduating! NOT WALKING MOM!!! Yes, dear, you will hate yourself if you don't!

Mom, I will hate you if I do!

No, dear ...you MUST! You simply MUST!

MOM! TWO PEOPLE!!!!! TWO >>> TEEEEE DOUBLE EWE OHH ... TWO !!!!

Honey, you really will thank me 20 years from now.

She wrote the check for my cap and gown rental.

So ... I am furious, but obviosly, I'm loosing this battle. I'm not used to loosing battles, but I've lost this one. At least I won't be embarrassed in front of a bunch of people . No one will be coming . My sister was getting married that summer There was no way that people were going to fly out for my graduation in May from a high school graduating TWO people ...and then come out for her wedding in July. Not even (especially) my real dad and my grandmother! It would be just my mom and sister and her fiance in the audience. No one would see this fiasco called a graduation

Problem.

My mom and sister had a problem with no one coming to my graduation.

Guys ... NO! NO! No one can come to this thing!!!


You'll thank me for it in 20 years! (getting the picture?)

The day before I graduated ... My sister got married.

My graduation ceremony had more relatives than the church had members!!!!! Heck, I had more people at my graduation than the school had students and FAMILY !!!

My brilliant mother not only invited my FAMILY ..but my youth group friends ..and my singing group friends!

You'll thank me for it in 20 years.

I get to the ceremony. They'd told us that we would have a special Keynote speaker. A Rhema Bible Training center Student.

I never dreamed that the humiliation could ever get any worse for this California girl. I mean, how much worse could it get than a graduation ceremony of TWO seniors out of Twelve (as if that isn't bad enough) ... and then ... my Father and step mother, brother, sister and her new husband, Mother, Aunt, Uncle, and 5 kids, and 18 friends .... come to see me graduate ....
How much worse could it possibly get?

Except the key note speaker ...

Donna Douglas ... THE DONNA DOUGLAS ... from the BEVERLY HILLBILLIES!


http://images.blogstream.com/i/userImages/33/33675_2113.jpg
Yes, this California girl, grademutated with one other person, with THE Hillbilly as her keynote speaker ...

and when I hit the 20 year mark I informed my mother ... given my choice ... I'd have gotten my diploma from the office.
Other than having a story that amuses others ... it is STILL the most embarrasing moment of my life!!!!!!!